proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
