Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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