forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
barbara walters just said penis...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Randomize
