I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
