benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
