you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Welp...herpes.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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