i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
