Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Rumble strips road head = magical
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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