i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
