so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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