i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize