I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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