My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
