Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
