Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
