why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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