Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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