Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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