Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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