The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
