dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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