im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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