I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
