i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
