Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
