Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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