She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
