I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
