she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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