It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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