so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
