they need to just BURY HIM!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
