Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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