so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
