I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
