was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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