I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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