Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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