I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
