i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
