At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My life is pants optional.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize