the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
