giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize