I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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