even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
