If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize