I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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