Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
