dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
