I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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