I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
