The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
