I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
