I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I believe in your delicious
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
