; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She's the barista slut.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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