awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize