Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just high enough for therapy.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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