My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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