As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
