dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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