So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
