When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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