what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
