can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize