I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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