It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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