ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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