If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Randomize
