Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
her vagine was all disorganized.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
