Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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