My nipple is on Facebook.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize