it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
