She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
