he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
