I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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