Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
we're making bets on your personal life
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
