Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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