yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
