I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
