Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
So. Much. Porn.
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