ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
